Sunday, January 13, 2008

American Gladiators and Dehydrated Water

So, the second week of January is behind us. It started out with me getting a fabulous promotion at work which will definitely help in getting us out of the big gaping hole we like to call "Debt" and in taking our kids off of eating Top Ramen and ketchup packets. We had been rotating between ketchup and hot sauce until Taco Bell banned us from their stores in Washington State. Didn't think it would be economical to drive over the state line just for free hot sauce packets, so we're happy for the added income.

Gabriela went back to school and we have started to see Kim's sanity returning after a long holiday hiatus. That is, Gabriela had a holiday hiatus, not Kim's sanity. She's been sane the whole time, although there was that one instance when we received calls from the neighbors in the middle of night because Kim was trick-or-treating in her bathrobe. However, I've got her convinced that it was just a bad dream from the baklava she had eaten the night before, so I'd appreciate it if none of you mentioned it to her. Thanks!

Madeline is having an issue attending Sunbeams at church. Of course, I can't really blame her. If someone told me that I had to give up a 2 hour block that consisted of playing with toys, napping, assembling puzzles, playing games, making stuff with clay, and eating goldfish crackers and Cookie Crisp cereal, all to go sit on hard chairs and listen to somebody talk for those same two hours, I probably wouldn't feel all that hot about it either. Actually, I'm starting to take her side. It's a good thing Sunbeams aren't smart enough to unionize. We could have the same thing on our hands that the Writer's Guild of America is giving to the media. Hey, maybe we can just give the WGA goldfish crackers and Cookie Crisp with some extra Play-Doh and that problem could go away. Then we could get back to some decent television again.

Speaking of decent television, have you seen American Gladiators? I cannot believe that this show is back on television. And I'm definitely blaming this one on the WGA. When we can't get decent writing, we get throwback shows from the early 90s where we get to watch "athletes" that have so much human growth hormone running through their veins that they are automatic candidates for the baseball hall of fame. My favorite moment was watching "Titan" a 250 pound man whose pecs crush walnuts pick up and toss this 150 pound weakling down a giant foam pyramid. This is what they're trying to pass off as entertainment. And unfortunately, there's nothing we can do about it except ignore TV entirely and devote our lives to YouTube. Actually, some of the stuff I've seen on YouTube is much funnier than the drivel on TV lately. Did you ever get to see "Chocolate Rain"? I haven't laughed that hard in the longest time. Check it out when you get a minute. It's a laugh riot.

So we rented Stardust this weekend. Now that was a great movie! Totally reminded me of Princess Bride, but much better special effects and a great cast. I would highly recommend it to anyone who hasn't seen it yet. It's got the great adventure element to it, the comedy, and a good love story to boot. Definitely not for those aged 12 and under, as there are some scary elements to the movie.

Yesterday we went to the dry pack cannery and attempted to replenish some of our food storage that has probably become dust because we have had it for so long. We got a bunch of carrots, potatoes, milk, flour, sugar, hot cocoa, apple slices, and black beans. I joked with Kim that the only thing we were missing was dehydrated water. But, in all actuality, there have got to be a few suckers out there that would be dumb enough to buy dehydrated water. It would take quite the marketer, but imagine the tag line:

Double the output of the water in your storage by buying Wondrous Duplicating Dehydrated Water. This colorless, tasteless, odorless, and weightless additive, when added to water can increase the level of your water, simply by sprinkling the invisible powder over a half full container. After 10 years of containment, your stored water will double.
And in fine print:
Please be aware that this process does not happen overnight. Water will need to be in a non-transparent container and cannot come in contact with any air during the 10 year period. Any exposure to sunlight or air during that time will make the product null and void.

And, of course, by the time everybody gets to see if this stuff actually works, you're long gone, living the high-life on some South American beach. Of course, you would have cheated a lot of unsuspecting, naive, over-trusting people and you'd probably feel really guilty, not to mention go straight to Hell later on. Wow, I'm glad I talked myself out of that one in the blog here. I almost gave up that promotion.


Mama Bear said...

Hey Wellings...glad you finally have given in and joined the blogging cult. I love being able to keep in touch this way!

Congrats on your promotion...and AMEN to your blurb on bad t.v., by the way. Let me know if you ever find anything worth watching!

Here is our blog address:

Happy new year!!

The Wellings said...

Aaron, as much as it pains me to say it you are one funny fetcher. Everytime I read your stuff it cracks me up. If your job doesn't work out maybe you should save some of your writings to submit to readers digest, or maybe have your own column in the paper to replace "Daves World". Keep us informed.
IF Wellings

LeRoy & Anne Welling said...

Hey, Washington Wellings,
Don't give up your day job yet but maybe you could do a column on the side like Ryan said. We think you have knack for writing. Poor Kim, I hope she doesn't have to go into counseling after what you said about her!!
Dad and Mom